Crazy? Maybe a Little
by read'it'but'dont'believe'it
Summary: The Chuunin exams have come and gone and Sasuke decides to stay in Konoha to look after the other Uchiha in the village. Kikyo, a twelve year old girl, likes to experiment with jutsus much to everyones dismay, but now she turned herself and Sasuke into kids!
1. New Jutsus

**I have a few things to say first.**

**I do not own Naruto; if I did Sasori wouldn't have died.**

**It's a three part story. Yes there will be a sequel but only If I get reviews.**

**There will be yaoi moments but there won't be couples just a few bad gone jutsus. You'll see why.**

**There probably going to be some OCC but that's only because of the OC. Again you'll see why.**

**If you have low I.Q. points you will lose more here but if you insist. **

**You Have Been Warned. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.**

Chapter One

"Come on Sasuke! You promised! I get the chidori right and _you_ let me use you as an experiment dummy!" a twelve year old girl whined at the older Uchiha. She was wearing a white knee-length dress with the Uchiha symbol on the back, while her black hair was braided into a French braid that had a gemstone at the end for…fighting purposes. This conversation had been going on for half an hour and Sasuke would not agree to this mostly because he had said that as a joke. He never would have believed Kakashi-sensei had shown her the jutsu. Of course when their sensei found out about the deal, he had agreed eagerly.

"Kikyo, every time you 'experiment' as you put it, it ends up wrong. You just shouldn't mess with jutsus." He said shuddering at the thought of what could happen to him.

"I refuse to cook if you don't agree," she replied, using her trump card, being as she had been cooking since she turned four and the teenager knew it.

"…fine," he said, resigning to his fate.

"Yay!"

Kikyo was about to perform her jutsu, which she had either 'researched' for or thought of in one of her many times of boredom, when she noticed Shino at the edge of the forest. Far away as possible from her and her jutsu and still be able to be seen. Sadly, this escaped Kikyo's notice who said "Hey, Shino! What brings you here? Are you on a date? Looking for bugs? Oh, I know! You're Kabuto in disguise." Without waiting for a reply she launched herself at Shino thinking he was actually Kabuto.

Shino, used to Kikyo's overactive imagination, sidestepped her easily. "Your sensei asked me to tell you that your team is meeting in half an hour," Shino informed the Uchihas in a monotone voice, slightly glancing at the girl, who had fallen on her face.

"Owwy, why did you move?" she asked glaring at him.

"You were about to attack him," Sasuke said offering her a hand and helped her stand up.

"Wait did you say our team? Its Sasuke's team, not mine. Remember I was in your team a week ago on a mission? I already explained to you, I am a roaming ninja," she said, already forgetting her question.

"He wants you to go too," Shino replied before turning to leave.

"Bye Shino. Watch out for poisonous mushrooms. They're lethal," Kikyo called out after him making both boys wonder how she had ever become a shinobi in the first place.

Sasuke glanced at her questioningly but she failed to notice yet another detail directed at her. Instead, she went walking in the direction she thought was Team 7's meeting place.

"It's this way," Sasuke told her pointing opposite from where she was walking.

"I knew that," she said, turning around.

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"What's taking Kakashi sensei so long? I have places to be, people to see, dummies to abuse," Kikyo said, making Team 7 to sweat drop.

"What dummies?" asked Sakura.

"Just dummies. You know for punching and kicking," she said. At this, the older kids sighed until she added "like Naruto and Kiba."

"I am not a dummy," Naruto shouted.

"Of course not. You are a human being who has never been punched by a twelve year old girl. And you are a mature fourteen year old who doesn't participate in vulgar games or 'rivalries' with other boys," Kikyo said with a false flattering tone. They all knew she was talking about the rivalry, as she put it, between Naruto and Konohamaru over who could perform the best form of the centerfold jutsu, or as she put it the Perv Jutsu. They all sweat dropped at the face she made.

"Sorry I'm late I got lost on the path of life," Kakashi said from the top of the tree he appeared on.

"You got lost? That's impossible. Life is a one way course. You can't go backwards or turn in a different direction," Kikyo said looking at Kakashi sensei as if she were lecturing a three year old.

"Let's go to the Hokage's office. Lady Tsunade will tell us the mission we will be going on," he said quickly changing the subject before Kikyo continued her lecture giving him and anyone around who wasn't as crazy as she a headache.

"Great! Now I can complain to her about the cat fights that happen in the back of my house. And to report all the fangirls that tri-" Kikyo was cut off by Sasuke, who had realized what she'd been about to say and quickly covered her mouth. He didn't want his team to know what had nearly happened the other night.

"Let's go," he said hurriedly before Kikyo got free. Keeping his hand over her mouth, he started pulling her along to the tower while he whispered something in her ear. She turned to look at him and shook her head and held up both her hands. He narrowed his eyes at her but she didn't even blink so he nodded in the end. Sasuke's team stared at them but followed anyways already used to the Uchihas antics.

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By the time they reached the tower Kikyo had obviously forgotten what she had wanted to say to the Hokage, sadly. When they entered the office they saw team 8 a.k.a. Shino, who apparently managed to avoid the poisonous mushrooms, Hinata, and Kiba with Kurenai-sensei.

Tsunade wasted no time to tell them their mission. Some of Orochimaru's lackeys had been seen near Konoha, so they were supposed to capture them and bring them in for questioning.

"Tsunade-sama! Tsunade-sama!" Kikyo said jumping up and down like she had just drank a double-shot espresso. Not that anyone who knew her would let her. It would be safer to insult Gaara and survive, which she'd done much to the jinchirucki's siblings' surprise.

"Yes Kikyo?" Tsunade asked warily, but who could blame her?

"Can I use my new jutsu? If it works, we can bring them in no problem and hopefully they won't be any side effects this time," she said hopeful she would get permission. This time. Of course this had never stopped the girl, in fact it encouraged her to use any jutsu not approved of by the Hokage.

"Fine. You may use your new jutsu," Tsunade said, not knowing how much she would regret it. She knew she would regret it eventually but she didn't know how _much._ Some of Kikyo's jutsus were brilliant. Some weren't.

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"This way," Kikyo said calling to Sasuke. Before he could as much as protest she had gone her own way. They followed, Sasuke, Naruto, Shino, and Kurenai-sensei.

They had split up to cover more ground and mixed the teams up to further help their teamwork according to the explanation given to the genin. In reality Kurenai and Shino wanted to get away from Kiba and Kakashi, and Sakura felt the same about Kikyo.

"There!" Kikyo shouted pointing at the clearing ahead, which seemed to be made by a recent explosion. They looked down at the edge and saw Kikyo fighting three shinobi. They looked at the Kikyo they had been following, who vanished with a poof, and realized a clone had leaded them there. Meanwhile the real Kikyo glanced up to the trees and said, "Are you gonna help or stand there like idiots, watching?"

They all went to help, while Kikyo trapped an ugly, 'troll' like shinobi in what appeared to be a green bubble. A similar bubble had created the clearing previously but of course the recent people to have come did not know this or they would never had come close.

"Ahahahaha, now you really look like a troll in a swamp!" she said laughing and holding her sides.

Sasuke looked over at her; worried she would get in trouble, and saw her perform a jutsu, her new jutsu to be exact, when the bubble burst in an explosion blowing Kikyo away. He ran and catched her before she got hurt. He did not expect for a second explosion to knock them both out.

By then the other two shinobi had fled. Kurenai hurried over to the two Uchihas who were passed out and suffering from some of Kikyo's jutsu side effect. She blinked. The other two came and saw the Uchihas. They blinked; at least Naruto did, it was hard to tell with Shino who had his glasses, rubbed their eyes and looked again. It did no good because what they saw was the same.

Sasuke was holding Kikyo protectively and she had her head on his shoulder. The problem was not that but the fact Sasuke looked five and Kikyo three.

They blinked one more time.

**View! Read! Review! Reread!**

**So little kids, can anyone guess how the jutsu was supposed to work? Well it's downhill from here for everyone in the story except for Kikyo and any OC.**

**Another question: How will Sasuke react to being turned into a five year old?**

**He won't kill Kikyo. Hopefully.**

**Let's put it to vote! But if he kills her, no more story. Well, no more sequels and this story will be extremely short. And boring.**


	2. Consequences

**Hi everyone I'm back.**

**BTW: I was joking, no killing Kikyo.**

**I do not own Naruto.**

**No pet or animal was harmed in this production. Only a few shinobi who shall remain nameless.**

Chapter Two

After taking both Uchiha's to the hospital, Kurenai went to the Hokage to explain to her why two of her charges were…younger. When she got there, she found that all of the sensei's of Rookie Nine and Might Guy waiting for her.

"What exactly happened on the mission, Kurenai?" Tsunade asked her.

"Umm…Kikyo used her jutsu. It had some side effects on her and Sasuke," she explained hesitantly, gauging the Hokage's reaction.

"What side effects? Are they reversible?" asked Lady Tsunade, regretting giving her permission to Kikyo.

"The side effects…Well, it doesn't matter if they are not reversible. It won't matter in a couple of…years," Kurenai found that explaining the situation harder than expected. How do you explain the…reverse aging of the two remaining Uchiha's in Konoha.

"What do you mean?" asked Kakashi.

"It would be easier if you saw for yourself."

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"So this is what happened," Lady Tsunade said, a little bit shocked. In front of her were the two Uchiha's, still unconscious, but they were younger. In the room with her were Team 7 and their sensei. They were staring at her hoping she knew how to fix their problem.

"Is it reversible?" asked Sakura worriedly, while glancing at Sasuke.

"That depends on some things," Lady Tsunade said in deep thought.

"On what?" Naruto asked.

"Whether or not Kikyo also created a reverse jutsu and if they'll act their age or the age they appear," she said. "Do any of you have any ideas on how to wake them up?"

"Teme! Wake up!" Naruto shouted, trying to wake up Sasuke. It worked. Sasuke sat up and glared at Naruto.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he asked angrily. He suddenly seemed to remember what happened and looked around for Kikyo. He seemed stunned when he saw her as a little kid, then he looked down at himself and grew furious. "What happened?" he asked through gritted teeth. He had an idea on who was responsible.

"That's what I would like to know. Apparently the only one with an answer is still asleep though. Do you know when she might wake up?" Lady Tsunade asked him.

"Right now," he responded and stood up. He walked over to Kikyo and paused, "You may want to stand back. She's not a morning person." With that he approached Kikyo with so much caution, everyone took a step back. Could Kikyo be so bad that Sasuke was scared to wake her up? "Kikyo. Wake up. Kikyo," he said softly. When he saw that she was still not waking up, he asked, "Kikyo do you want cookies or ice-cream for breakfast?"

"BOTH!" she screamed, shooting up. In her hurry, she hit her head against the bed board with a loud thunk. "Owwy! Stupid bed," she said, stabbing the bed board with a kunai.

"Where did you get the kunai from?" asked Kakashi.

"From the cute little Smurfs," Kikyo responded.

"What did you do to me?" asked Sasuke Kikyo before she said anything more stupid, if that was even possible.

Kikyo looked at him and cocked her head. She looked very confused at the question and asked, "What do you mean?"

"Look at me. I'm fucking five," he said.

"Potty mouth. You need to wash your mouth with soap," Kikyo said. "Wait. You're five? I thought you were fourteen. I pretty sure I celebrated your fourteenth birthday even if you didn't."

"Your jutsu did this to me," Sasuke said at the end of his patience. "And what did you do on my birthday?"

"Nothing. Then it would also have affected me. Did it?" Kikyo looked down at herself and paused for second trying to take in what she saw. "What the heck?!"

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"Can you reverse the jutsu?" Lady Tsunade asked, regarding the sight before her. All of Rookie Nine and Guy's team were in her office looking at the one responsible for this…meeting.

"Why would I want to reverse it? I'll grow up again _and_ I can get away with a lot of things because I'm three again," Kikyo said happily. She had been devastated at the fact that her own jutsu had backstabbed her but - after thinking about it - she decided she preferred it like this.

"What about me?" Sasuke asked. If he turned older first he could then force Kikyo to turn older.

"You'll stay like that too," Kikyo responded, realizing what he was planning. He was not going to ruin her fun again.

"I am not staying like this," he said angrily.

"Will too," she said.

"Kikyo, you two will not stay like this. So can you reverse the jutsu or not?" Lady Tsunade asked her before the two started fighting with each other. Once they started, nothing could stop them until one of was knocked out and doing that to one of them was not ideal at the moment.

"I can't reverse it. I didn't create the reversing jutsu and you can't reverse it because the jutsu is chakra sensible. Only my chakra can make the jutsu or break it." Kikyo explained to everyone. "I thought that if it fell in the wrong hands it would be devastating so I did it like that."

"I see. Can you create the reversing jutsu then?" Tsunade asked, surprised she had had enough sense to do that. Of course - in this situation - it was harming them more than helping.

"I could but I won't. It'll take too much time and effort," Kikyo said lazily.

"You'll do it because I'm telling you to do it," Sasuke told her with a narrowed look.

"No," she responded.

"You can't leave my Sasuke like that. You have to fix him," Ino said.

"No," she said again glaring at the 'delusional, airheaded bimbo' kunoichi.

"Are you really going to leave Uchiha like that?" asked Neji, amused at the child's bravery.

"Yup," she said.

"So you don't care you're a little kid?" asked Shikamaru.

"Nope," she said.

"Create the reverse jutsu Kikyo. It couldn't do you any harm," Lady Tsunade said trying to reason with the stubborn child.

"No," she said.

"…I always wanted to do this." Kiba, who had been unusually quiet, said suddenly. He stepped forward and grabbed Kikyo from her ankle and carried her upside down. She thrashed and screamed curses at him, demanding to be put down.

"I swear when you put me down I will make sure you never have children you little piece of-"

"Kikyo, will you or won't you make the reverse jutsu?" Tsunade asked.

"…Can I kill Kiba if I do?" she asked.

"No, you can't. Will you please act your age and make the jutsu," Tsunade said.

"…Fine I'll make the damn jutsu, now put me down! Kiba, if you don't put me down this instant I will kill you!" Kikyo shouted at the top of her lungs, making him cringe at the sound.

"Okay, just shut your pie hole," Kiba let go of Kikyo who fell down on the floor. She then stood up and launched herself at him, trying to actually kill him, but since she was in a three year old body all Kiba had to do was grab her from the cuff of her shirt and pull her up. She, however, was stubborn so she continued to swing at him causing her to spin in midair while she was hanging from her shirt.

"Put! Me! Down!" she shouted, forgetting the consequences of the last time she had demanded this same thing.

"Sure," Kiba let her go but this time she landed hard enough for a thump to be heard. The whole room froze waiting for Kikyo to react. Everyone knew she was unpredictable but nobody expected what she did next.

"Kiba, you-you-you meanie!" she shouted and started crying.

"Kiba, how could you make a little girl cry?" Sakura asked him.

"I didn't mean to make her cry" Kiba protested.

They ignored him, while Ino picked Kikyo up. Kikyo looked over Ino's shoulder and smirked at Kiba.

"She's faking it," Kiba told them.

"Kiba! Can't you see she's crying?" Ino asked him, shocked he would still say something like that.

"Enough! Now when do you think you'll have the jutsu done, Kikyo?" Lady Tsunade asked her.

"Ino, can you put me down?" Kikyo asked her sweetly, unlike her usual self.

"Yeah," Ino said, putting her down.

"Umm…It's going to take some time and I really don't want to work on it. I'll work on it on my schedule, Tsunade-sama," Kikyo said.

"When can you work on it then?" Tsunade asked knowing she wouldn't be able to make her work more often than she already was. She considered herself lucky she had even agreed to this. Kikyo was truly one of the most stubborn Uchiha's. She always got what she wanted one way or another.

"Not on weekends, those are my off days. Not on Fridays or Mondays, their next to my off days. Not Wednesdays, that's when I have training with Anko-sensei. Maybe on Tuesdays and Thursdays," Kikyo said.

"Very well. I'm guessing you won't change your mind so you better work on this. To make sure you don't get in trouble for doing things you're not supposed to, I'll have to give you a guard. This is why everyone is here. You are to guard them two and make sure nothing happens to them. Understood?" Lady Tsunade asked them.

"Yes ma'am," Kikyo answered for everyone, dooming them all to her company.

**This is all for today folks. Hope you enjoyed this installment of ****Crazy? Maybe a Little.**

**I will need more OC's so if you want to be part of the story PM me and add info of your character and who you want to be paired up with. I will only take requests until the next chapter so do it quick!**

**Who is going to take care of Kikyo and Sasuke first? How long will they last before they lose their minds? Find out next time right here!**


	3. Kurenai Sensei

**Hello peoples nice to see you came back to see what is the fate of our dear, precious Sasuke. (Note the Sarcasm) Today he will not be tortured in front of our beloved audience of the rookie nine, or team Guy, sadly but do not fret. Someone will be there to witness his shame. **

**1. I Do Not Own Naruto.**

Chapter Three

The first people to take care of Kikyo and Sasuke were Neji and Shino. They were chosen by Kikyo so they were a wary of what she wanted to do. Then Kikyo said not that day since it was almost over so they were even more worried even if they didn't show it. Lady Tsunade agreed and said that they would be taken care of by Kurenai sensei since they had been under her care when this happened. So now they were in the Uchiha apartment ready to check in for the night.

"So what do you two want to eat? I'll go buy something for you two," Kurenai told them.

"I'll cook. I already had something planned for today anyways," Kikyo said not wanting to eat food bought at a restaurant. Sasuke looked at Kurenai and nodded his agreement with Kikyo.

"I don't think you should cook in that body. It's too small and weak to pick anything up," Kurenai said worried that she would accidentally bun herself for not being used to the smaller body.

"I'm not weak. Besides I used to cook when I was four when Mom and her husband were in a mission," Kikyo said not thinking there was much to worry about.

"Do you mean your dad?" Kurenai asked confused when Kikyo said 'husband' and not 'dad' or at the very least 'father.'

"Yup, he told me to call him that so that everyone would know he was the one who married her," Kikyo said brightly.

"I still don't think you should cook," Kurenai said.

"…fine, I want dango," Kikyo said in defeat.

"What do you want Sasuke?" Kurenai asked the boy who had been silent for the last 2 hours.

"…," he didn't say anything just glared at Kikyo like he had been doing for the last three hours.

"He'll have dango too," Kikyo said. Kurenai nodded and left to go buy it. "She shouldn't have left us alone. She's supposed to be taking care of us." Kikyo then left to her room with Sasuke following after her. Kikyo decided that if she was going to be left alone then she could have some fun, even if Sasuke tried to ruin it.

Kikyo's room was small and cluttered. Everything was thrown on the floor and her bed wasn't visible anymore from all the things on it. She looked around ignoring the boy behind her and found what she was looking for. It was a small red box that she had bought in a festival a few months ago. She smiled at it and laughed at the idea forming in her head.

"What is that Kikyo?" Sasuke asked her alerted that she was planning something when she laughed. It was the laugh she used just before she got in trouble.

"So it talks!" Kikyo said hiding the box in her skirt knowing he wouldn't get it from her now…hopefully.

"Yes I can talk, now what is that you're hiding?" Sasuke asked her taking a step towards her.

"Nothing," Kikyo said taking a step back.

"Show me," Sasuke demanded. He reached to grab her and she squeaked before grabbing the box from under her skirt.

"No," Kikyo said and put it underneath her shirt running out of her room. She ran as fast as she could out of the apartment and down the street looking for Kurenai. Sasuke chased Kikyo down the street hoping to catch her before she did something stupid. Kikyo managed to lose him on the market and ran south the way she had been running from. In an alley she took out the box which was filled with explosives and set them of. She threw them at the market and ran after Sasuke. He had been running in the last direction he had seen her run but stopped when he heard the pop of fireworks.

"Kikyo," he said and turned around to see her running towards him. "You did that." He said not asked when she was close enough to hear.

She nodded and said, "You are my accomplice so you can't tell. After all you are also supposed to look after me, dear Sasuke-kun."

He stared at her then grabbed her arm and dragged her back home. They hurried so Kurenai wouldn't find an empty house and tell Tsunade that they had been missing when the explosives went off. They got there before her and pretended they had been there the whole time when she came back.

"I got you guys your dango," Kurenai said holding the bag to them oblivious of what had happened when she left.

"Yay! Dango, gimme, gimme, gimme!" Kikyo shouted and jumped to get the dango from Kurenai but she was too short. She pouted and looked at Sasuke. When he made the mistake of looking at her she smiled and jumped on his back.

"What are you doing?" he asked trying to get her off.

"Getting a lift," she responded reaching up and grabbing the bag. She had maneuvered Sasuke to stand under it and now she had her prize.

Kurenai watched the two children fighting over the food and laughed. The two froze then turned to look at her. Kurenai stopped laughing but the damage had been done. They stared at each other, well Sasuke glared, until Kikyo took advantage of the fact that Sasuke wasn't paying attention and snatched the bag away.

"Mine," she shouted running away with dinner. There was no way she was sharing her dango with the other Uchiha.

Sasuke stared for a moment before he ran after her knowing she would probably eat his dinner too. Kurenai was bemused for a second then shook her head. She probably wouldn't ever understand the Uchihas. She gave them a chance to solve their problems on their own but when stuff, kunais, to be more precise and any sharp objects, started flying she decided to intervene. She took the bag from the person currently holding it, Sasuke, and gave each of them their dinner.

After dinner Kikyo decided to play a game of tag. The only problem was she punched to give the 'it'. It took two clones from Kurenai to separate the two Uchihas from an all-out brawl that started when Sasuke 'tagged' her. Let it be said that the female Uchihas never let anyone hit them, no matter the cause or if they started it.

"How about you two go to bed?" Kurenai asked hoping to calm them down. Sasuke left for his room with Kikyo tagging along yawning. "Umm…Kikyo why don't you go to your room instead of Sasuke's?" Kurenai asked her.

"My bed is buried under the mess I call a room. To be more specific a bedroom of prankster slash teenage girl," she responded. She no longer remembered the color of her bed sheets and she was sure she lost some Shino's bugs on it.

"Oh, well tomorrow you'll fix it before you go to the meeting spot," Kurenai said before going to the living room to sleep.

Kikyo glared after her and muttered, "Over my dead body." There simply was no way she was going to clean her room. She had fought with Sasuke a month before he relented and let her do whatever she wanted in her room. She was not gonna give up the right to keep doing so to Kurenai. She turned and went into Sasuke's room to kick him out of his own bed so she could sleep. Of course he had other ideas and it ended up in another fight. This time they were quiet enough so Kurenai wouldn't come in to separate them.

After a few minutes struggle they gave up the fight and simply went to sleep sharing the bed. Of course, Kikyo decided to steal the blanket and Sasuke was too tired to take it back.

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"Wake up Kikyo," Sasuke said nudging her. In the middle of the night she had rolled over and was now pinning Sasuke under her. "Wake up!" he shouted managing only to get her to roll over getting off of him. He stood up and was about to leave when he decided to wake her up as well.

"Get up," he said trying one last time to wake her up the nice way before he did it the mean way. She sat up only to punch Sasuke who disappeared with a poof. It had been a clone since he didn't trust Kikyo when she slept. He left the room and decided how to wake her up today. Kurenai was already awake and looked up when Sasuke went to the living room.

"Is Kikyo awake?" she asked.

"No, but I'm going to wake her up. Just give me a minute," he responded quickly without giving further information.

Kurenai waited in the living and watched as Sasuke went to the kitchen. When he came back he was carrying something but she couldn't see what it was. Sasuke left the room and a few seconds later a scream woke all of Konoha up. Kurenai stood up and went to go see why Kikyo had screamed so loudly.

In Sasuke's room Kikyo was drenched in water. To be more specific it was ice in boiling water.

"What the heck!?" Kikyo asked Sasuke. "Why did you add a fish?" she said pulling one out of her shirt.

"For last week's incident," he said.

"That was last week," she said giving him an Uchiha glare.

"What happened last week?" Kurenai said out of curiosity. Everyone knew they both kept fighting for unknown and for her to find one out would be a miracle.

"Nothing," Sasuke said hastily.

"Fangirls bribed me to-" Sasuke covered Kikyo's mouth quickly before she could finish saying her sentence.

"What?" Kurenai repeated.

"Nothing," Sasuke said glaring at Kikyo who was struggling against his hold.

"Kikyo go clean your room before we leave," Kurenai said before leaving the room, deciding she wouldn't get anything out of them.

Kikyo glared at her and struggled against Sasuke's hold. "Lehg gohf," Kikyo tried to say but her voice was muffled. She frowned at him and bit his hand. He let her go and she went stomping after Kurenai. Sasuke followed and watched as the two women fought over the fact of Kikyo cleaning her room. There was no way a person who wasn't even an Uchiha was going to make Kikyo Uchiha do something she didn't want to do. Even Itachi hadn't ever made her do anything in her entire life.

When she saw that Kurenai wasn't budging from her decision, Kikyo started screeching making both Sasuke and Kurenai cover their ears. After a minute of her screeching nonstop Kurenai said, "Okay you don't have to clean your room. Just stop already."

Kikyo immediately stopped and stood up from where she was sitting and went to the kitchen to make breakfast. "Do you guys want eggs or pancakes?" she called to them from the kitchen.

"You're not cooking!" Kurenai said going after her in a hurry. Who knew what Kikyo was capable of doing near a stove?

"This is going to be a long day," Sasuke muttered going to the kitchen to make sure Kikyo didn't do something stupid.

Me: That's it. Any ideas that you would like to put in on how to torture the two boys PM me.

Kikyo: Can I maim them?

Me: NO killing or maiming we want them alive!

Sasuke: How can you keep doing this to me?!

Me: You mean humiliate you? Easy I am the author therefore I can make you do what I want. Too sad I am not Kishimoto or else I'd own Naruto and make you do this on the Manga…

Sasuke: Thank Kami you don't own Naruto.

Me:….I still write fanfiction you are going to be so embarrassed by the time I'm done with you you'll wish the fangirls would take mercy on you and take you away from my clutches.

Sasuke: Nothing can make me wish that.

Kikyo: We'll see!


	4. Beginning of Torture

**Hello people welcome back to this new installment. Today we are going to find out why Shino and Neji are not qualified to take care of a three year old Kikyo.**

**I do not own Naruto.**

**Warning this story is not for sane people.**

**Please review.**

Chapter Four

Kikyo, Sasuke and Kurenai were the last ones going to the meeting spot. Even Kakashi was there before them much to Kurenai's shame. Kikyo was asleep been carried by her since Sasuke knocked her out and he couldn't carry her much to his embarrassment since he used to do it on a daily basis before. His body just couldn't take her body weight anymore.

"What happened?" Neji asked raising an eyebrow at the unconscious girl.

"You don't need to know," Kurenai responded with a sigh.

"Why is Kikyo asleep?" Naruto asked.

"She wouldn't stay still," Sasuke explained. "I knocked her out."

"You shouldn't be mean to her. She is the only Uchiha besides yourself and if she hates you I doubt that would end well," Kakashi said to Sasuke, who only scowled. This conversation had occurred before much to Sasuke's annoyance. Kakashi was convinced they would end up together to restore the Uchiha clan. It wasn't like the thought hadn't occurred to him but it still wasn't something he wanted to discuss with his teacher, especially not now.

"Mom…" Kikyo muttered in her sleep moving her head. "…Sari…"

"Who's Sari?" Sakura asked Sasuke who undoubtedly knew the answer.

"…Her younger sister," he responded after a moment of hesitation. The girl was unconscious so it would be okay to mention her dead family. Usually if he did while she was awake she would try to kill him.

"You mean she was an older sister?" Kiba asked shocked that the girl in question could ever hold a spot of responsibility.

"Yeah I was. Teme you shouldn't go around saying people's life, especially about the dead relatives. Be glad I don't leave you like that," Kikyo said waking up. She glared at Sasuke who ignored her and started walking away. "Where do you think you're going, you baka?"

"Away from you," Sasuke responded angrily. She only ever got mad at him never the other kids.

"You can't we have to be watched remember? Kurenai-sensei can you put me down?" Kikyo reminded them both of their unusual situation. While Kikyo didn't mind not having to exercise she needed to be ready to chase Sasuke if he decided to leave.

"Sure," Kurenai responded putting her down while Sasuke hesitated and turned back. He knew that if he tried to leave now Kikyo would follow him and bring him back or use the fact that they were alone to try and kill him. Again.

"Now, why don't you act nicely and I'll make that reverse jutsu extra fast?" Kikyo asked Sasuke sweetly before she turned around to face Shino and Neji who looked like they wished they could be anywhere else at the moment. "Now, now don't look so grim. Trust me when I say you won't mind looking after us…for now anyway." Kikyo said trying to reassure the two boys.

"Is there a reason why they were chosen first?" Sakura asked Kikyo. She knew she was known as a trickster. Even Anbu kept away from her in fear of being pranked or used for an experiment for her more unusual jutsus.

"Yeah, you see I always wanted to see something…now I get to see it first hand," Kikyo said happily.

"What exactly do you want to see?" Neji asked warily. He did not trust the girl and only the fact that he would look like a coward if he left right then and there kept him from bolting.

"You'll know by the end of the day. Now let's go before I decide to make this difficult for you," Kikyo threatened leaving the group behind them. Neji and Shino sweat dropped before they hurried after her with Sasuke.

"Guys, wait for a second," Kurenai called after them. Kikyo heard and decided to wait for them to go talk to the woman. No doubt it would be a warning of her.

"Yes sensei?" Shino asked when they couldn't be heard by the Uchihas who kept their distance, observing.

"Be careful with Kikyo. She is headstrong and very…strange. Keep a close eye on her and make sure she doesn't get in trouble," Kurenai advised them. The both boys nodded and left after the Uchihas.

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"Where are you going Kikyo?" Sasuke asked the little girl.

"Just looking around," Kikyo said. She was leading the boys down every street that had many people. She was looking around and kept glancing at the boys following her every few seconds. This led them to believe she had something to hide from them.

"What exactly are you 'looking around' for?" Neji asked the girl with narrowed eyes.

"Nothing in particular," she responded.

"Then let's go to the training grounds," Sasuke said.

"No," Kikyo responded.

"We're going," Sasuke said through gritted teeth. He then grabbed her arm roughly and started pulling her toward his favorite training ground.

"No!" she shouted and dug her feet in the ground. Neji and Shino stared at the Uchihas tug-of-war for a few moments before they realized that if they caused a commotion they would be blamed.

"Could you two stop?" Shino asked them but they didn't hear.

"Stop!" Neji shouted at them.

"Never!" she shouted at him.

"Stop!" the three boys screamed at her, stunning her by their antics.

"How could you scream at the sweet little girl, boys?" an old lady asked shocked.

"Wahhh," Kikyo started to cry and hugged the lady shocking the boys and confusing them. Surely she wouldn't cry over something so…insignificant.

"You two should be ashamed of yourselves," the lady scolded them. "And you should be nicer to your sister." She turned around to face Sasuke who scowled at her.

"She's not my sister," he said coldly.

The lady was shocked a boy so young could put so much venom in his voice but wasn't deterred by it. "You should still be nice. She's such a young girl and needs to be cared for not scolded." She tried to shush Kikyo who was holding on tight to her skirt and shuddering. To any passerby it would look like she was crying, unless you were looking at her from the boys point. She was laughing at them and trying not to be noticed by the nice lady.

"Sasuke-chan, you are mean. You're my niisan. Why are you lying?" Kikyo acted like a scared three year old very well. She smirked at Sasuke who was glaring at her.

"Now, why would you lie about that, young man?" the old lady asked.

"He's not lying to you ma'am. They're bot from the same clan, so she sees him as a brother," Shino saved Sasuke from having to respond.

"Where is this girl's family then?" the lady asked.

"Dead," Sasuke responded.

"Is this true?" the lady asked the girl that was being spoken of.

"Yes," Kikyo said sadly, "but niisan looks after me." She looked much happier so the lady smiled at her. "He's very nice and eats my vegetables for me." The two grown boys laughed at the Uchiha while he glared at the culprit of this knowledge falling in their hands.

"Would you like to come with me? I want to give you some nice treats," she offered.

"Yes," Kikyo said happily. She was glad her idea had worked so well. She had seen the lady offer little kids treats and defended those who were sad. Now Kikyo's plan could begin.

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The group of five made a short walk to the lady's house. The old lady was named Ayako and was not as old as she looked. She was fifty four and very able to run after children, which she demonstrated when some kids insulted her.

"…" the boys stared while Kikyo chased after her.

"Why is Kikyo doing this?" Neji finally asked.

"I'm not sure," Sasuke responded.

"…This is going to be a long day," Shino commented.

The other boys nodded and sighed.

**.**

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**Me**: hope you liked the story. See you next time.


	5. Ayako's House

**Hello, welcome back. Hope you are all looking forward to the torture of three very sad shinobi. Kikyo is certainly looking forward to it, so let's not make her wait, shall we!**

**I don't own Naruto but I do own the possession of this intro.**

**If you want a story that makes sense keep looking!**

**If you don't review I will shave Naruto's hair!**

**Please do not blame me if you lose I.Q. points reading this.**

**OOC in this chapter, you've been warned!**

Chapter Five

Once upon a time there was four little shinobi who crossed paths with the village hag. Of these four only one of them trusted her and this person just happened to be an innocent girl named Kikyo. The other three were boys who did not trust anyone but sadly these smart children had to look after the energetic girl, so up the road they followed her and the hag to the house at top of the hill.

"Kikyo, should we really follow her to her house?" Sasuke asked the naïve girl when they were out of earshot of the old lady.

"Yup, Ayako is really nice. Besides she said she had cookies at her house," she responded with an eye roll at the mistrusting boy.

"Does the promise of food always make you react in this manner?" Shino asked worried of the days ahead of him and Neji, wondering if they would spend them chasing after the trouble disregarding girl. He glanced at Neji who was looking intently at the girl in question, and wondered if this thought had occurred to him.

"Not exactly, it depends on who makes the offer…," Kikyo said hesitantly, thinking the question over carefully. "I don't if it's Sasuke or Naruto or Kiba…"

"Why not?" Neji asked the girl. He didn't really care but he was hoping she would forget about Ayako so he could go to the training grounds.

"They are idiots, that is why," Kikyo responded confidently.

"I am not an idiot," Sasuke said through clenched teeth glaring at her ineffectively.

"I say you are, so you are," Kikyo said, not intimidated at all by the other Uchiha, "besides you are the one depending on my knowledge and skill with jutsus at the moment, are you not?", she raised her eyebrow at the older boy and stared at him, daring him to contradict her.

"And why am I stuck like this?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow at her solemnly.

"Because you got in the way of my jutsu. Besides after what happened with the fangirls I say you're an Idiot. A big baka," Kikyo shook her head in a resigned manner at him.

"What exactly happened?" Neji asked curious at what would make the Uchiha prodigy pale so much.

Kikyo glanced at Sasuke for permission to respond before she said, "Some of Sasuke's fangirls nearly kidnapped him the other day after breaking into the house. I hate them, they killed dinner!"

The guardians were stunned into stillness for a few seconds before a light smile crept into both their faces.

"You were more worried about dinner?" Sasuke asked indignantly.

"You turned out fine and woke up from the sleeping potion very quickly. The dinner was poisoned from that and therefore turned inedible. It's not my fault you refused to listen to me when I told you not to eat the soup," Kikyo stated in a matter of fact voice.

"Children we're here! Come in, come in," Ayako called back at them, ushering the kids into the house. The house was big, a two story house plus an attic.

"Coming!" Kikyo ran the rest of the way into the house disappearing with Ayako.

"Kikyo!" Shino called for the energetic girl when they reached the house.

"Byakugan!" Neji looked around him and dropped the kekkai genkai. "It's no use. The house is chakra proof."

"Kikyo come out this instant!" Sasuke looked about him wondering idly if this was another one of her pranks.

"Sasuke, where are you? Everything's dark!" a frantic call came. It sounded like the little girl was scared.

"I'm by the front door! Where did you go?" Sasuke glanced around trying to locate the source of the voice.

"I'm in the hallway!" Kikyo screamed.

"Stay were you are, we're coming!" Neji called as Shino led him and Sasuke to the spot to discover…a brightly lit hallway cluttered with tittering piles of boxes full of who-knows-what.

"Kikyo!" Sasuke called out.

"**Kyaaah**!"

"Kikyo!" Sasuke ran through the maze of boxes leaving two not-so-impassive shinobi behind.

"Sasuke!" Neji called feeling helpless without the Byakugan. "Come back, we need to act rationally."

"He won't listen. Kikyo has Sasuke wrapped around her finger," Shino stated as he sent his kikaichi to track both Uchihas down.

-Somewhere else in Konoha at the moment-

"I am grateful for you to show up so quickly. Konoha has a problem with the two Uchihas and we need shinobi to look after them," Lady Tsunade looked at the four sand shinobi that stood before her.

"What happened exactly?" Temari asked.

"…We had a problem with Kikyo," Tsunade confessed sadly.

"Her again? How much trouble can that girl get in?!" Kankuro exclaimed annoyed.

"More than I can keep up with. This time she affected both herself and Sasuke," Tsunade said.

"Who are Kikyo and Sasuke?" a girl beside Gaara asked him.

"Uchihas," Gaara responded quietly.

"Who is this?" Tsunade asked, raising an eyebrow at the queer girl.

"Haruka," came the response.

"What is our mission?" Temari asked quickly making Lady Tsunade suspicious of the girl.

"Look after the Uchihas. Basically you are babysitting the prodigy and troublemaker," Lady Tsunade smiled at the sand shinobi. "Don't worry the other Leaf participants of the chuunin exams are also going through this."

"What do you mean babysit? They're old enough to look after themselves," Kankuro said.

"It's just that. Kikyo found a way to reverse her opponent's age but the jutsu backfired and Sasuke got caught in the backlash. Both Uchihas have gone back nine years in age while retaining their mental age," Tsunade explained brusquely.

"That makes them how old exactly?" Temari asked nervously.

"Three and five."

"And they act the same? Not much difference between an actual three year old and Kikyo," Kankuro muttered.

"Her jutsu level of understanding and creating is astounding. That makes her a target for Orochimaru and let's not forget how much he wants an Uchiha. He'll go after both if possible," Tsunade reprimanded Kankuro.

He looked shocked then his expression turned grim. "Any clue of when he'll go after them?"

"No, but there will be two escorts at all times," Tsunade informed them. She clasped her hands and leaned on the desk, deep in thought.

"But we're only genin. No match to whatever shinobi that will be sent after them," Temari glanced over at Gaara and amended her statement. "At least…not all of us."

"With the escorts we'll have some precaution at the very least. We can't afford to assign higher level shinobi to the Uchihas because they are needed for higher level tasks. We need the money for the repairs for the damage Konoha took in the Chunnin Exams," Tsunade glared at the co-conspirators of the last attack. The oldest two glanced at Gaara who had a hint of guilt in his eyes. But just a hint.

"We'll help," he said.

"Good. You'll meet everyone this evening at the Uchihas'," Tsunade said in a dismissive tone. With a nod the sand shinobi left.

-_- Back at Ayako's-_-''

"Kikyo!" Sasuke called frantically as he searched for her in a panicked state. He entered an empty room and quickly left.

"Kikyo!" he turned a left corner and bumped into Shino and Neji falling to the floor. He glared at them for a second before he tried to rush back to looking for Kikyo.

"Sasuke, you won't find her like that," Neji said as he restrained the crazed Uchiha.

"I will, let me go," Sasuke cursed at him as he struggled. The usually uncaring Uchiha was desperate to find the young girl.

"Sasuke, Kikyo is still in this house. We just have to act rationally to find her faster," Shino placated the boy as he adjusted his glasses.

"Fine," Sasuke slumped forward. He glanced at his caretakers silently asking them to start searching.

"My kikaichi are searching the second floor. We'll look on the ground floor," Shino said leading the way. The other two checked for locked doors. Two empty rooms were found along with three full to the brim with boxes, the kitchen and the unusually furnished living room.

"This is useless!" Sasuke shouted as he opened another empty room.

"That's the last room in this floor," Neji informed him.

"Kikyo!" Sasuke ignored him and called for the lost girl.

"Sasuke!" a thump came from the roof and the three shinobi raced to the second floor.

"Kikyo, where are you?" Sasuke blinked at the sudden loss of light on the second floor.

"Sasuke help me! It's dark!" Kikyo shouted in fear. She couldn't see anything at all. She had tried to trick Ayako when she went inside but now she was lost inside. The dark kept closing in on her, suffocating her. She stumbled forward, searching blindly in front of her.

"Kikyo, keep talking!" she heard faintly.

"It's dark, Sasuke! Turn on the light, please! You know I don't like the dark!" I shouted. He knew better. I wouldn't cook if he kept this up.

"We'll turn a light when we find you. Don't worry, just keep talking!" Sasuke called out.

"Why does she keep mentioning the dark?" Neji asked him.

"She's scared of it. She's traumatized," he replied.

"The boogeyman's here! Sasuke, he's here I can see him! He's eyes are red, keep him away! Stay away!" Kikyo screamed at the top of her lungs. The dark was hiding the eyes, she knew it. He was going to finish the job he started out years ago.

"Kikyo, he's not real!" Sasuke was lying, he was real. She had seen him kill her family, when Mother had hidden her in the cellar.

She had crept up the stairs and peeked out. Blood had stained the floors, the walls and even the ceiling. Kikyo flailed and screamed as hands wrapped around her.

"Here you are. I told you not to run upstairs Kikyo. We could've pranked them another way," Ayako told her. She held her close and turned on a flashlight.

"Light," Kikyo gasped as she looked around her. The room was empty and spacious. There was no one there.

"Kikyo come on. Your friends are looking for you," Ayako said soothingly at her and lead her out the door.

"Kikyo!" Sasuke called.

"Over here, I found her young man," Ayako called. The three shinobi blinked as a beam of light was directed into their eyes.

"Sasuke," Kikyo struggled out of Ayako's grip and ran towards him. He grabbed her and held her as she started to cry.

"Calm down…shh…it's okay," he tried to calm her.

"Are you okay?" Neji asked worried leaning closer to her unconsciously along with Shino.

"Mh-hm," she said hiding her face in Sasuke's shirt.

"I want to go home," Kikyo muttered. Sasuke nodded; attempted to carry her and actually succeeded.

"Here you go Kikyo, cheer up. Come by soon, you're my best customer," Ayako said handing the girl a bag.

"What is it?" Neji asked suspiciously.

"Fireworks, explosives and some homemade goodies," Ayako said chuckling.

"This is where you get your prank supplies?" Sasuke asked her angrily.

"Uh-huh," Kikyo nodding her head on his shoulder. "I've known Ayako since I was seven."

"Hmm…I'll keep this," Sasuke said taking away her fireworks.

"Meany," Kikyo whined before falling asleep.

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**Me:** This all I've got so far. Please review.

**Kikyo:** Or I'll sell Sasuke.

**Me**: A good idea but we can't do that we need him for the story.

**Sasuke:** That's your reason for keeping me?

**Me:** Yes, I can't stand you, no offense intended.

**Sasuke**: Hn.

**Me:** 'Hn' isn't a word and barely passes of as a monosyllable. I thought you were smarter.


End file.
